The ShapeOff
by Icenectar
Summary: Puar has been challenged to a shape-off with a surprise judge. Who will the winner be? And why is Yamcha holding a teddy bear?


Puar floated into the kitchen and glanced at a book of post-it notes. Her high-pitched scream echoed throughout the house. Yamcha ran into the room, tightly holding his teddy bear in shock.  
  
"Puar! What's wrong?!" he cried as Puar began crying.  
  
"Yamcha it's terrible!" she sobbed. "Oolong has challenged me to a shape- off today!"  
  
"A what off?"  
  
"Shape-off. A shapeshifting contest. I forgot it was today."  
  
"Well what are you worried about? You can hold shape for the longest."  
  
"That doesn't matter. Um, Yamcha....? Why are you holding a toy?"  
  
Yamcha glanced at Puar and then at the teddy bear. He flushed and quickly placed the bear behind his back.  
  
"I'm sorry you had to see that, Puar. When I don't get my coffee, I act really strange," Yamcha said in his serious voice.  
  
"Oh. Well I'll get you some coffee then. It won't take long, Yamcha."  
  
"So where is this showdown taking place?"  
  
"In the desert to the west of us. We've got a surprise judge too."  
  
"So when does all of this start?"  
  
"Noon."  
  
"Good. That gives me plenty of time to wake up." **************************************************** "You're going down, kitty," Oolong grunted as he grabbed onto a bar and tried to pull himself up.  
  
"Don't you think it's a little late to get yourself in shape?" Master Roshi asked as Oolong struggled.  
  
"I'm trying a new fitness technique."  
  
"Really. Well then, I guess I'll have to eat breakfast all by myself. There's sweet rolls this time."  
  
"With icing?"  
  
"Lots of icing."  
  
"Well I suppose I can take a break. A pig's gotta eat, after all." **************************************************** "Well Puar, it looks like we should get going," Yamcha said as he set his coffee cup on the table. He stood up and looked out the window. "I think I see Roshi already."  
  
"Oolong better not try to scare me. I'm sick and tired of him picking on me!" Puar cried as they walked out of Yamcha's house.  
  
"Pay no attention to him Puar. Oolong isn't as good as you," Yamcha said.  
  
"That's right! Oolong is nothing but a scaredy pig!"  
  
"And here comes the challenger in the Great Shapeshifting Showoff! Do you have a few words you'd like to say to the crowd?" the tournament announcer asked and Yamcha looked at him.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Yamcha asked.  
  
"Why you can't have a match without me! How would the people at home know what's going on?"  
  
"I didn't think it would be televised."  
  
"He wants to humiliate me so much!" Puar cried.  
  
"I only want the world to see me win," Oolong said. "I don't care how it happens."  
  
"Oolong you'll always be despicable!"  
  
"And you'll always be the teacher's pet!"  
  
"So where's the judge?" Yamcha asked and Oolong grinned.  
  
"I held a raffle and the winner is in this envelope," Oolong said and handed the envelope to the announcer. "You open it."  
  
"And today's judge is none other than...Emperor Pilaf!" the announcer cried and Puar and Yamcha stared at Oolong.  
  
"What kind of raffle was it?" Puar asked as Emperor Pilaf walked into view.  
  
"Thank you! Thank you! That's enough applause, really. I said that's enough Myu!" Pilaf cried and Myu dropped her hands.  
  
"Sorry, sir," she said.  
  
"All right, the rules are as follows. Uh...what ARE the rules?"  
  
"Better let me say them," the announcer said and cleared his throat. "You will be given one minute to change into whatever Pilaf tells you to turn into. He will then decide which one is better and you will get one point. Get ten points and you will be declared the winner," the announcer said.  
  
"All right, we understand. Let's go," Oolong said.  
  
"Myu, my pistol," Pilaf said and Myu looked at him.  
  
"But sire..."  
  
"Don't tell me you forgot the starting gun!"  
  
"I sent Shou out to clean it."  
  
"You didn't!"  
  
"I did. I'm so sorry, sire."  
  
"Aargh! Now how am I going to start the match?!"  
  
"Like this. Get ready, get set, go!" the announcer cried.  
  
"Very good! Mind if I try that?" Pilaf asked.  
  
"No, go ahead."  
  
"Um..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You didn't give me the microphone."  
  
"Sorry. This is MY microphone. Get your own."  
  
"Myu..."  
  
"Sire," Myu said and pointed a large gun at the announcer.  
  
"It's my microphone but you can use it," the announcer said in a small voice.  
  
"All right! Get ready, get set, go!" Pilaf cried.  
  
"Give them something to turn into, sire," Myu whispered.  
  
"A cow!"  
  
"That's easy!" Oolong grunted as smoke enveloped Puar.  
  
"Ooh, it looks like Oolong has something planned. It looks like he's going to employ...the Mallet Attack!" the announcer cried as Oolong brought out a mallet and smacked Puar with it.  
  
"I like that cow," Pilaf said and pointed to Oolong.  
  
"Ha! In your face, Puar!" Oolong grunted and Puar glared at him.  
  
"That wasn't fair, Oolong!" Puar cried and rubbed her head.  
  
"One point to Oolong and now what will the next challenge be?" the announcer asked as Emperor Pilaf scratched his head.  
  
"Turn into my favorite thing!" Pilaf cried as Oolong changed into a bag of money.  
  
"Beat this money bag!" Oolong snorted and Puar folded her arms.  
  
"I know you are, but what am I?" she asked as smoke encircled her. The smoke cleared and Pilaf stared at what he saw.  
  
"A dragon!!! Quick, Myu, my list of wishes!" he cried.  
  
"Sire, that's not a real dragon. That's only a cat that looks like a dragon," Myu said.  
  
"Oh. I knew that."  
  
"So, emperor, which one do you like best?" the announcer asked.  
  
"I like the dragon," Pilaf said and Puar stuck out her tongue. Oolong glared at her and folded his arms.  
  
"Ooh. It's now tied. How will the tie be broken?"  
  
"A duck!"  
  
"One's a rubber duck," Myu said and Pilaf looked at her.  
  
"I see that! And that's the one I pick!" he cried.  
  
"Whaa....?" Puar protested, her mouth wide open.  
  
"The emperor likes rubber ducks," Myu said.  
  
"Ooh. Puar loses that point due to a technicality!" the announcer cried.  
  
"A car!" Pilaf cried.  
  
"What kind?" Oolong asked as Puar changed into a small blue car.  
  
"That one!" Pilaf declared and Oolong's eyes narrowed.  
  
"Mallet Attack!" he cried and hit Puar's hood.  
  
"Oolong stop that!" Puar cried.  
  
"A mailbox!"  
  
"A snake!"  
  
"Isn't this exciting, folks? Let me give you a score for those of you who are confused. Currently Puar has five points and Oolong has three," the announcer said.  
  
"Sire, your gun is clean!" Shou cried as he ran up to Pilaf.  
  
"I don't need it now, Shou," Pilaf replied and the foxes' ears drooped.  
  
"I'm sorry, sire! The gunsmith wouldn't hurry!"  
  
"A bomb!"  
  
"I'll get you one in a second, sire!"  
  
"Shou, the emperor is judging a contest," Myu said.  
  
"Oh. What kind of contest?"  
  
"A box of cards!" Pilaf cried then tapped his foot. "Well? I'm waiting."  
  
"It looks like both contestants are down for the count. That last choice must have taken too much out of them. So, emperor, how are you going to pick a winner?" the announcer asked.  
  
"The winner is...me! What do I get?" Pilaf asked and Myu held up a box.  
  
"You win this, sire," Myu said and handed the box to him. He opened the box and peered inside.  
  
"It's a shirt. I don't care for pink, though."  
  
"Look on the back, sire."  
  
"Bad...man. Myu, this shirt doesn't lie, does it? Come on, Shou, I have more plotting to do. Don't you think it's a little big, though?"  
  
"It'll shrink in the wash, sire."  
  
"And there you have it! The winner is, Emperor Pilaf! So until next time, take care! Buh-bye!" the announcer said and Yamcha stared at him.  
  
"Wait a second. None of this makes any sense!" he cried.  
  
"I never said it would," the announcer said and handed Yamcha a piece of paper.  
  
"What's this?"  
  
"My bill. I hope you're prompt in paying it."  
  
Yamcha stared at the bill and then at the people who were leaving and then at the bill again. Sometimes it didn't pay to get out of bed. 


End file.
